Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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