note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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