I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
