he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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