Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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