Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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