do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
