if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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