Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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