The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
