what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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