pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
