Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We are all done wearing pants today
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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