Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
They are going to name an STD after you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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