I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my poor anus
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
