and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
