need another drink. this is the easiest way
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
