Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
