Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
