Do you still have your period?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
