It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
