He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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