We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
