it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
