How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
