that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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