There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
