i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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