and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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