bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
