apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
