On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
