What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Need sex. Gaining weight.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
