i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
