i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
