I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
