something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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