dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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