my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
