but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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