I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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