We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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