Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
