i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
