We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
