he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
