I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
