am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
