while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
