hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
