my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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