White coat. Heels.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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