she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
