dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
