I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
